unrealistic expectations…..

Greetings Readers,

Get ready, cuz I’m gonna vent. Get ready for the downs of the “ups and downs” of training.

I can’t figure out what’s goin’ on? I feel like crap, crap left on the sidewalk awaiting someone to come buy and step on me. I’m suffering on the bike, feeling really tired and fatigued, and the legs are lead. I really felt crappy today. I almost, for the 1st time in my cycling life, called in the sag wagon to drive me home. I’m having classic symptoms of overtraining, and burnout. Which confuses the hell outta me because I have hardly ridden for the last month. I managed 200 miles for the whole month of April, that’s hardly burnout inducing. I’ve had a upset stomach all day too. Aside from my intense frustration, I feel fairly good mentally, I want to ride. I want to train. I want to compete. The body is just not coming around, and I’m beat. I don’t know what to do at this point. Where is the free Coaching help line? I was planning on participating in a weekly criterium series this summer (to get me ready for cross) that starts on Monday, but I’m in no shape to race.

I’ve always tried to emulate people I admire. Some are racers, some everyday people. Most all are athletes in some way. If there is one human characteristic that I respect more than any other, its self disipline. We may be born with different talents, ability, and V02max, but self disipline is something that we all have to suscribe too in order to be the best we as individuals can be. I’ve always set my goals high, and sometimes my expectations of myself are just unobtainable. I’m never going to be an elite level, cat 1/2 racer. I will never see the Masters A class at the Cross Crusades. At 45 years old this summer, I’m trying to be the best cyclist I can be. Ripped defined 6 pack abs will always elude me, so will the podium. But I keep chasing those dreams as if I want them bad enough, somehow I can will my body to respond. Just doesn’t work that way folks. Fast twitch, Slow twitch, Anerobic threshold, VO2 max, I can only do so much with what God gave me. Inevitably, I get frustrated in my inability to acheive my lofty goals. I want to be fast. Period. I want a top 20 in cross.

I get really frustrated when my body betrays my efforts, as if it’s mechanical and should respond to training in some predetermined, gauranteed fashion. What was it? Was it the flu? Am I not over the flu as I thought I was? Did I take on those climbs too soon after the flu, anxious to workout? Am I not sleeping enough? (I’m pretty sure of that) Am I too stressed? Did I push myself too hard on Wed running with Mom? Is it a combination of all of the above? I really expected to be in far better shape by the begining of May than I am right now. Far Better. If Sunday was a race day, I’d be in trouble, big trouble. I won’t give up, but I’m sure as hell not a happy camper. I realize that I’ll never be as fast as I once was, I’ll never assault the torture 10k out of the saddle and call it my bitch at the summit, (and that was before compact cranks) I used to climb that sucker in 39/23 and now I’m dying to get to the top seated in 34/26 begging for mercy! I know that we lose watts and power as we age, but cmon’.  

I don’t know what to do at this point, I feel really old and tired. I guess I just keep goin’. Try to get as much rest as I can, train smart as I can, and stay positive. After today, the positive part escapes me. I don’t know if I’ll ride tomorrow or not, we’ll have really nice weather this weekend, and that’s hard to pass up. I’d be wise to let myself recover tomorrow…….. My buddy tells me “everything starts from where you are right now” well if thats the case, as of right now, I’ve got a very long way to go.

Miles ridden today, 21

Miles ridden 2008, 1241

Cheers!